Wilhelm Philipp

A Near Miss With The Abyss

"It’s as if I’m walking away from the abyss and back out into the world and as I turn around to look there’s a figure pointing at me from the other side as if to say; “That was fucking close. We almost had you there. Watch it, you won’t be given a third chance at this.” And that figure is the angel of death itself.”

On June 27th, 2021 Dev’s head hit the pavement at Hawksburn Station after bombing a hill on his skateboard around 11pm on his way home from a night out, after having some drinks with his mates. Immediately an ambulance was called and he was rushed to hospital, arriving in the emergency ward doctors rushed to obtain scans so they could examine the full extent of the injury. Dev’s fall had resulted in him fracturing his skull, with the scans revealing he had a brain bleed on the right hand side of his head and residual damage to the front of his brain as well as subdural bleeding.

Recovery

Terence Tan, Dev’s surgeon, performed the emergency craniotomy procedure that saved his life. Almost the entire right hand side of Dev’s skull was removed to cater to the swelling of the brain followed by controlled and monitored bleeding to remove the increasing amount of blood and cerebral spinal fluid in and around his brain. That would be the last time he would see that piece of bone attached to the rest of his body for seven long months. Dev’s doctors stitched him back up feeling that the injury had somewhat been neutralised, or so they thought. A second emergency surgery was performed making it his second in 24 hours, the second surgery was required after one of the wounds that had been operated on, opened up and began to bleed again.

Dev was in a coma for 9 days, a portion of that time being medically sedated. After waking from his coma he was incoherent from both the damage to his brain and the heavy pain killers he was given, so much so that after seeing his father for the first time since before the bail he reached out to shake his hand and said “thanks for coming,” not at all understanding the context and the severity of the situation. From that point going forward it was a relatively upwards trajectory with Dev’s cognition and motor skills being revived step by step and his brain function gradually getting better and better.

During the emergency surgery Dev’s left radial artery was punctured, causing a pseudo-aneurysm and sending him back to the Alfred in Melbourne for another surgery after being discharged from the ABI rehab facility.

Declan, the doctor that was put in charge of reviewing the procedure on Dev’s artery also happened to be one of the doctors present for his emergency brain operation, although it was a success Declan told Dev, they thought he was dead. “I inexplicably defied the expectations of the professionals and by no means is that a comment on my character or my capability. It’s sheer, unbelievable luck and I can not believe it.”

Unceremonious Recovery

Whilst there were positive signs for Dev’s initial progress with his cognition and physical rehabilitation the recovery process drew long, the pandemic was now back into full swing and pushing surgery dates back further and further. The set backs in dates combined with the increasing pain from his deteriorating condition begin to take a toll on his mental health. “There’s very little redeeming qualities to any of this. Trying to navigate recovery, let alone navigate the hospital system in the midst of a pandemic is the most unrelenting and frustrating thing I’ve ever dealt with in my entire life. Both me and my family are still recuperating our sanity from it all to this day.” Still counting his blessings each morning he arose and thankful for the tireless efforts of the doctors aiding in his well being, Dev was ready for some normalcy to welcome itself back into his life.

“2022 rolled in and after many months of having fallen between the cracks of the public health system, having no trajectory laid out for a full recovery and no idea when the procedure that I needed to have my skull reconstructed was going to happen, I finally had a light at the end of the tunnel. A complex spine and neurosurgeon by the name of Prof. Jin Tee came across my case on file at the Alfred and saw how long I had gone without proper care and deteriorating health, he called me up at five in the afternoon. “Get to Mulgrave private hospital now. We need to get you admitted for your Cranioplasty procedure on Sunday”. This was two days before the public hospital system, that I was at the mercy of was further mangled by the code brown Covid lockdown emergency protocol which cancelled all elective surgeries including my own. This man Jin took the reins when no one else would and ensured that I was taken care of, I am forever indebted to him. Sunday the 23rd of January 2022 my life started up again after seven months of the most discomfort and pain I have ever known.”

Survivor’s Guilt

When surviving such a traumatic event like Dev’s, the question most queried for him was, why? What causes one to be allowed a full recovery and second chance at life. Dev describes the silent battle of survivors guilt and seeing other patients who weren’t as lucky as him with their recovery, even when they deserve every right to be.

“My mum told me that while I was still in the brain damage ward of the Alfred hospital I shared the same room with young girl, who’s name I wish I could remember, but I wasn’t coherent enough at the time of this to know what it was. She was in a car accident that left her in a critical condition. She had a tracheostomy in the front of her neck and left completely incapacitated with broken limbs and damaged organs. She didn’t cry, she would only whimper. What keeps me up at night is knowing that she was conscious and awake to live through the pain that she was feeling. While she was next to me I was laid on my side looking at her, all I could say to my mum was, “That’s sad” and mum would say back to me “It is.” Her recovery without doubt proved to be longer and more torturous than mine. How come I pulled the long straw when she and so many others I would come across during my time in hospital didn’t?”

If You Need A Reason, Here It Is

When we experience grief, reflection is a key component in overcoming the trauma we feel, these moments and emotions are so raw to one’s mind that they create confusion of thought. How do you deal with feelings never previously felt, especially in a stagnant world? It’s overwhelming to our senses inside and out, but in due time everything heals and while we navigate our heads that are so heavy with thoughts, we slowly begin to understand the world again and even more so ourselves. Without choice these moments define us, you are exposed to the bare body of your own spirit. The only real decision to make in these situations is either to take from what was lost and turn it into joy for the people we love or to burry ourselves in the weight of it all, as Dev told me himself, “It’s cruel why life prevails for some people and it doesn’t for others. I’m still discussing that with my therapist. It’s something that I’m aware there is no straight answer for.”

“What I do know is there’s this certain flavour of introspection and to an extent torment that has consumed me, a burning urgency to living now. The mortality side of this has got me completely spun out, but none the less I’m a lot quicker to head butt through challenges now than what I was before. It’s shown me I’m a hell of a lot stronger than I thought I was and I’m now fascinated by the juxtaposition of an unceremonious death and the beauty of life. I’m stoked I still get to do any of this and still get to be with my friends, I’m stoked i still get to work on the creative project I started 3 years ago when my life took a turn for the better and I’m stoked I get to see it out, I get to see my life out in full. I really can’t believe it.”

From the moment I met Dev I was astounded by the way in which he presented himself, a smile on his face and words of honesty, it was hard not to be taken aback by his pure energy, it’s something to be commended for. It gives me inspiration to take more from life while I still have the ability to do so. If you’ve been waiting for a reason why, here it is.